Oh 11/16/15….you were an emotional adventure.
Today, I woke up feeling angry, disappointed, lost in the chaotic. Why am I doing what I do? I open up my deepest passion to the world only to get shit on. I’m vulnerable and strong but who cares?! Really, who cares if I do what I do or not. I said, “fuck it all” and threw my hands up. And not in the way of complete surrender (yet), but in the way of, “I’m done caring. I need space from this baloney.”
If you are an entrepreneur, you’ve been here. The days when you feel like your message reaches nobody. The tedious hours spent planning, prepping only to have it all fall on deaf ears. When no one responds to an important question. Periods of times with no new clients, no new opportunities. When jobs working for someone else look delicious.
I then proceeded to cry. Stopped crying. Began meditating. Started crying again during meditation. Stopped crying and pulled myself together to go get blood drawn.
No tears fell during breakfast. But a heavy weight transcended upon on me. A funk. I’ve begun reading The Motivation Manifesto by Brendon Burchard and Iron Butterflies by Birute Regine. Both uplifting, motivational, perfectly timed words for me to be reading. The past 3 weeks have been very draining and anxiety filled. I clung to the words in these books as anchors in my storm. I know they are truth, I know my truth but it’s my time to fall apart.
Today, I had to let it allllllllll go. I had to throw my hands up. I had to let the tears fall. I had to surrender. Fully bow down, lay it out raw. I had to step back from myself, my business, my people and say, “I’m done. Figure it out for yourselves while I build my cocoon to heal and grow and transform.”
I know these are passing feelings. I know this is a passing state of reality. This is not a permanent mindset nor is this a permanent way of living. As the day went on, I felt a variety of emotions. I felt deep love, joy, humility, connection, passion, disagreement, support. As I drove home tonight I realized this is what being human is. It’s about feeling these emotions and not feeling bad about letting them in. To feel is what makes us human. To let them control us is not the point. The point is to study them and learn more about ourselves, to go deeper inward to unveil what’s really going on.
All day I’ve wanted to build my shell, go into the darkness to shed light on my troubles to unwrap what’s at the root of these emotions. Now that I have time and space to do so, I wanted to start off by writing this post. So many of you tell me how much you are inspired by my motivation, educational posts, food ideas, etc. And I am so grateful to be a trusted resource for you. So it didn’t seem right for me to NOT share this day with you because I want to again inspire you to find courage, to be vulnerable, gentle, open with your feelings but not ruled by them. It was truly an adventure today to examine what I was feeling minute by minute and to appreciate what came from the exploration. We are so beautifully complex yet we don’t take enough time to look into ourselves to reveal whats making us tick. I strongly encourage you to take a step back, inhale and exhale a big breath, and have the courage to discover why you feel what you feel. You might uncover a layer or a story you never knew existed and that is transformative!